Sunday, May 24, 2009

Let's talk about sex, baby.......

and how I'm not getting any. WARNING: this post could venture into TMI territory.

For those of us who have spent a long time trying to conceive, it's a fact of life: sex stops being fun. Not just in the "OMG, we have to do it AGAIN?!?" way, but also in the "Why do we need to be reminded so often that we're broken?" way. And also in the heartbreaking "Maybe we'll defy the odds and tonight will be the night since we're in Hawaii and it's our anniversary and we're COMPLETELY RELAXED" way. I could go on, but you get the picture.

For those of us who have been through IVF (and this might be true for IUI as well to some extent, but I've never done one so I don't know), there's the whole irony-mixed-with-relief thing -- the irony being that you're trying to make a baby using a method completely devoid of sex, the relief being that you can take a break from the sex without feeling like you're not doing anything to Advance The Cause. In fact, the odds make you somewhat giddy -- you mean we have a 50% chance of making a baby WITHOUT HAVING SEX? Sign me up!

(Of course, you don't really feel all that sexy when your ovaries are the size of navel oranges and you feel like a big fat hen about to lay a 12-pack of eggs. And you're not supposed to do it in case something goes awry with the trigger and you end up in a Jon and Kate-type situation, and also because you're not supposed to jostle the oranges.)

And finally, for those of us who somehow manage to get pregnant -- particularly if we start with twins and lose one and there's a bunch of bleeding -- there's still no sex. Prostaglandins in sperm are bad, jostling is bad, any strenuous physical activity is not recommended. Oh, and you know what else? Taking care of one's own business is also not allowed -- orgasms (I can't believe I'm writing that word on my blog and I hope my mother never ever finds it) cause uterine contractions, uterine contractions in the first trimester can be bad, etc.

The problem? Suddenly, no sex is NOT OKAY. I'm kind of astounded -- I really haven't had a sex drive in six months, and suddenly I feel like a 15-year-old boy. EVERYTHING tempts me. Movies, TV shows, books, even my dreams are out to get me. As are the pregnancy books, which tell you that sex is perfectly OK during pregnancy.......unless your doctor recommends otherwise.

Don't get me wrong -- I would gladly give up sex for a year if that's what it took to have a healthy baby. I'm so so happy and grateful to be pregnant. I'm not REALLY complaining, it's just....well....challenging. Unexpectedly challenging.

It's no wonder I've gained 13 pounds. Carbs are the only craving I can follow through on right now.

25 comments:

My Reality said...

Tell me about it. We have been banned for the first trimester, too. I haven't wanted it in years. Now, it is all I can think about!

Carrie said...

My MFM just told me we have the green light because she is going to tell me soon that we will be banned... but it still makes me nervous! Especially the Big O part which is the whole freaking point! :)

Now, go take a cold shower.

Michele said...

Yep... no sex... Havent since March... Poor hubby is told that hopefully we can get it on at Christmas. That's a long freaking time!

Hope said...

The last sentence about carbs is hysterical! I am at the beginning of all this, but glad to see what we are starting to feel is normal :)

twondra said...

Here from ICLW. :) Love this post. So true. I wish you the best in your journey! (((HUGS)))

Tammy

jon and tracy g said...

Ha ha...right now I am too afraid! I haven't been able to talk to my RE about it yet. And these meds don't make me feel super sexy!

Hope you had a great weekend!

Jenny said...

I hardly get any sex either. And I usually have to either beg for it or hop on while hes asleep. xD It's pretty bad.

optimisticallyhopeful said...

LOL! I totally hear you about not wanting sex during treatment. I am 100% looking forward to the day that I get knocked up and all of those "I want sex" hormones start kicking in...really looking forward to it! Congrats on your pregnancy and glad to hear that everything went well at your last appointment!

My Endo Journey said...

I've heard this about pregnancy before. My husband will be so pleased!

Speaking of pregnancy, my beta was positive today!!! Shhhhh!!! :)

Barefoot said...

OMG -- congrats!!! I won't tell anyone. :)

Emily said...

What a great post. You have really captured it! We have not had sex since the night before transfer - almost 2 months ago! I have been feeling so yucky that I have not wanted to anyway, but it still sucks. I am sorry you are having sex cravings & hope you get to indulge SOON!!!!!

leahjane8 said...

I'm with Emily. I feel like sh*t and the last thing I want to do is IT. Lucky for me, we aren't allowed. Hopefully those good hormones will kick in for me in a couple of months! I know that's my husband's hope.

dragonflymama said...

How great to hear someone talk about ttc & sex! We haven't moved to ART yet, but we're on a ttc break in part because i started to feel like i should punch a time clock every time we did the baby dance--not good.

congratulations on your pregnancy!

ICLW

Stefanie said...

Wishing you all the best

~Stopping by for ICLW~

Kristin said...

Don't you hate it when your body is craving something you aren't allowed to give it?

Hang tough hon.

~ICLW

butamoment said...

Wow! I haven't really thought past my "why remind me that my body is broken" attitude toward sex right now. How interesting that the pendlum will be (hopefully) be swinging the other way soon.

ICLW

Carrie27 said...

Feel your pain. Husband has been deployed twice with a 12+ month deployment. Last deployment when he came home for good, we were pregnant with the twins and a couple quick moments stopped as we didn't want the babies to come early. Then, you have to wait to heal, and then you have pure exhaustion...a viscious cycle.

Donna said...

This made me laugh out loud!!!!

runamokamok said...

Its kinda funny because people who haven't been TTC have no concept about what a chore having sex can actually be...
A friend said to me once "well at least you get to be really romantic and have sex all the time" I promptly reminded her that Husband and I haven't had sex without an ulterior motive in so long I don't remember what spontaneous sex is like anymore ;P

MAK-now said...

You are too funny! Wouldn't it be great if carbs were the cure for everything? Hang in there!!

ICLW

meandbaby said...

I can relate to the missing sex thing - a lot! since I am a single gal TTC. Congrats on your pregnancy!

~ICLW~

Word Nerd said...

Gotta love it. We're in our first IVF 2WW. First we had to wait forever after surgery, now this. No sex, no alcohol, no Diet Coke. Thank God for carbs!

And congrats on on graduating to the OB.

ICLW

Brooke said...

I am sorry I just have to laugh. Its not funny that you cant have sex because I know how frustrating that can be. It is funny and ironic though that now that you are knocked up you cant do it! I really hope that the next couple weeks go by quickly so that you can clear the 1st trimester hurdle and maybe get a little action. I am almost 9wks and dh and I actually had sex for fun the other day (not to brag) but I forgot what it was like to do it because we wanted to!!

Kristen's Raw said...

Oh my goodness... am I glad I found your funny and honest blog. I know the feeling!!!!! While we were pregnant for the few weeks we were, the instructions were no sex or orgasms for first trimester. At first I thought... okay, we can handle that. But, holy hell! It was friggin' tough after a "short" while. Well, now that I'm miscarrying, and feeling fine with it... we're going to make up for lost time. We know in a short while, once we get a frozen transfer, we're back on the bandwagon.

Lut C. said...

Knowing it won't lead to a baby - ever - is quite the turn off for me, to DH's chagrin.

Popped over from the crème de la crème, by the way.