Monday, May 11, 2009

And then there was one

Our ultrasound confirmed this morning that we've lost Baby B. The news wasn't entirely surprising -- the little guy had been measuring a few days behind from the get-go -- but we allowed ourselves to get a little hopeful when we heard both heartbeats last week.

Honestly, I'm not sure how I feel. I'm sad, as I loved the little guy already. And I haven't cried yet, which is weird for me -- I've been a veritable waterworks for the past few weeks. But I was worried that he (by the way, I obviously have no basis that he was a "he," just my gut feeling) wouldn't be healthy. And I was a little worried about how we were going to pull off the twin thing with two working parents. But I totally would have gotten over that.

So, now we wait. I may bleed, I may not. I may cramp, I may not. The doctor said that usually at this early stage, the "demised twin" (isn't that the most hateful phrase?) usually just reabsorbs.

The good news is that Baby A (I really need to think of a better name) is measuring perfectly at 8w4d, has a strong heartbeat (164 BPM), and discernable arms and legs! He (again with the "he," I can't explain it) even waved at us, as if to say "Look at me, Ma! I'm still here!!"

We're totally smitten.

18 comments:

Carrie said...

Oh, I am so sorry to hear that you lost B. No matter the stage, no matter the circumstances, losing a baby is awful, and I hope you let yourself cry. I am thinking of you.

I am happy A waved at you to let you know that he/she is doing great. I am sure the mix of emotions you are feeling right now is intense.

Sending you SO much love and hugs, and please lean on me.

XOXO,
Carrie

Emily said...

Oh hon! I am so sorry to hear about Baby B. HUGS

Sounds like baby A is growing big & strong! I love how he waved at you.

As far as the "he" - mother's intuition???

Thinking of you!

My Endo Journey said...

God bless your little nuggets! So sorry to hear about the loss. I don't think anything would have made that easier. Of course you got excited and loved him! I'm so glad that baby A gave you a show today to let you know he/she was still there and ready to roll with the pregnancy. :)

Sending hugs your way!

A said...

Ive been reading your blog for about a month now. My heart breaks for you over Baby B. I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I will be thinking about you and praying for baby A. Keep us updated

'Murgdan' said...

Ohhh...I'm so sorry about B. I'm cheering on A, but I'm so so sorry about B.

My Reality said...

I am sorry to hear about B. It is difficult to deal with any kind of loss. It is good to hear A is doing well and going strong.

SS said...

I'm sorry you lost B, but I'm glad to heat that Baby A is still spot on.

The Patterson's said...

Sorry to hear that baby B didn't make it, but that is good news about baby A!

IF Optimist, then... said...

I'm sorry for the loss of your angel. He'll be in your heart forever. So glad to know that BabeA is doing fine and already hamming it up for the camera.

Yaya said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. :(


wive's tale states that hb 150 and above is a girl and 150 and below is a boy. ;)

Phoebe said...

I'm so sorry about your loss, and it is a loss, so you should feel ok to grieve over it.

I think you sent me my OMG You Rock gift, and I wanted to give you a great big thank you hug for taking the time to do this and think of me! (((HUG!)))

mekate said...

Ahh Barefoot-I am so, so sorry to hear about your loss of baby B.

So glad that A is doing so wonderfully, and being smitten is just about the coolest thing ever.

itsazooaroundhere said...

Wonderful news about Baby A and the strong heartbeat! I am very sorry that you lost Baby B. I can relate a little bit, since we just found out one made it and one didn't. Of course, we weren't as far along, but it is a strange feeling to be happy and sad. I too am waiting to possibly bleed, but the NP said most likely it would reabsorb. I'm not quite sure how to feel, either (I haven't cried). Just know that we're all here for you, and thinking of you. (((hugs)))

babyinterrupted said...

Oh, I'm sorry. And glad - strange combination of feelings, to be happy about A and sad about B, happy and sad for you at the same time. Thinking of you, and sending lots of good thoughts to A!

Gabby said...

hello... so sorry about your loss.. please do allow yourself to grieve, whenever you feel the time is right.. (or when it just happens) i'm glad baby A is going to stay strong and hang with you guys..

virtual hugs to you!

K said...

I commend you on your realistic and thoughtful assessment of the baby B. That is a tough spot, and a painful one, no doubt. But you have taken such a good hard look at the realities. I admire that. Wish you all the best with A.

Flower said...

I'm sorry for you loss...praying that Baby A will continue to grow and be strong...Grieve if you must!! Baby B is now in Heaven...((hugs))

Miriam said...

i'm so sorry at this news... thinking of you and sending you lots of love and strength for baby A and you!