"Remind me how this works?"

Every once in a while, I think, "Hey, maybe I'll open this blog up to friends and family."

And then I write a post like the one you're about to read, and I know it's never going to happen. Because my husband would KILL ME (or worse, withhold backrubs).

The title of this post was the theme of yesterday afternoon. That's right, folks -- after getting the nod from the doctor on Thursday, we have Resumed Marital Relations. I am finally getting some.

However, we seem to have taken a step back in time. Or rather, many years back in time. To the time when you're not really sure what to stick where, or whether it's going to hurt (me), or how long it's going to last (him).

We eventually figured it out. It did indeed hurt like a mother-effer, but thankfully did not last very long. And it did reach a blissful (or at least semi-blissful) conclusion for yours truly. Hey, anything's blissful when you HAVEN'T HAD IT FOR FOUR MONTHS.

But it was sweet, and we laughed a lot, and it felt good to be close again.

Of course, now I'm worried that I'm about to throw myself into preterm labor.

It's always something.

Quick 15 week update

Just got back from my OB appointment, and all is well. I had my first Doppler (147 bpm) and first belly measurement (11 cm). 

I also got a somewhat stern admonition from the doctor that I've gained about twice as much as I should have at this point, so no more gelato for me. Luckily, I'm generally feeling better, so dialing back the carbs and dialing up the exercise should be, if not easy, easier than it would have been a few weeks ago.

And now, off to LA! Will the business trips ever end????

"Mamma!"

As this pregnancy moves along, I'm finding that things I thought would bother me aren't really bothering me at all. (See the "Grandpa calling me fatty" reference a couple posts down.) In fact, they're kind of delighting me. A hidden blessing of infertility? Who knows.

Anyway, the coolest thing happened to me last week. The Mr. and I were in Boston, strolling around in the North End -- Boston's Little Italy -- after dinner. We stopped for some gelato (baby needs ice cream), and while I was waiting for the Mr. to pay, an older woman rounded the corner, and as she passed by she briefly touched my belly, smiled, and said, "Mamma!" And just kept right on walking.

I was grinning from ear to ear for the rest of the night. And totally surprised -- I always thought that having people touch my belly would piss the hell out of me. But there was something so sweet about that moment, realizing that I was now pregnant enough that the rest of the world could notice. And because I've never seriously thought I would get to this point, I'd never anticipated a moment like that. And that made it all the sweeter.

The gelato wasn't bad, either.

Out of the closet

Well, we are now out of all available closets -- out to the family, out at work, out to our friends. I think, given that I'm pretty much fully in maternity clothes, that we're out to the rest of the world too. It feels great and totally weird at the same time.

Oh, and I guess I'm out to the blog world as well. I think it was time to change the title, no?

This Thursday will be 15 weeks. We have our regular OB appointment, and then we wait for our 18 week anatomy scan. I'm reallly excited to find out what flavor of baby we're having....because then that means it's time to shop!

I'm still feeling sick off-and-on, and have been having some killer headaches and back pain. I've always had a tender lower back, but the last couple of days have been pretty brutal. I've been reluctant to take anything, even Tylenol, since I've managed not to so far, but I think I'm going to have to talk to the OB this week and figure out a way to manage the pain.

Happy ICLW week to everyone, and my apologies for being a horrible blogger/commenter lately.....I'm still on the road, but will hopefully return to some semblance of normalcy later this week.

Things I have learned this weekend

I am way too tired to craft a grammatically coherent post, so it's going to be bullet points. Sorry. I am the suckiest blogger lately.

But, I did learn a few things this weekend, namely:

• I will be completely happy if the next college graduation I have to go to is for the little Cornellian/Gaucho in my tummy.
  
• Maternity jeans are the greatest invention on earth. I'm actually looking forward to a cross-country flight tomorrow, thanks to the "Secret Fit" belly.
  
• Having my grandfather greet me with the words, "Hey, Fatty!" does not bother me nearly as much as I would have thought.
  
• Zoos do not smell good when you've got a bionic nose.
  
• Nobody, not even the future grandparents, seems to think that our ultrasound pictures areas cute as we think they are.
  
• My in-laws are a lot harder to take without the benefit of alcohol.

Later this week, I hope to provide educational updates from my first full-week business trip in my, erm, condition. Should be good times!!

A packing challenge

Does somebody want to come over and pack a suitcase for me? Here's what I've got on tap over the next 12 days:

• Three days in San Diego
  
• Five days in Boston
  
• Four days in Connecticut
  

Oh, and did I mention the most fun part?

My body is changing daily. Some days the boobs are huge, sometimes they're even more huge, and the belly seems to expand throughout the day, and contract a bit during the night. Oh, and my lower back is KILLING ME, so heels are torture. But my legs, which are currently my only passable feature, look terrible without them.

Help!

First trimester/NT screening results

I wanted to post our first trimester/NT test results here, in case people are looking for data points or information. For anyone unfamiliar with the process, the screening consists of an ultrasound and a blood test, which they smash together to give you your odds of having a baby with Down's Syndrome or Trisomy 18.

The kicker is that the test is only a screening, and it's only 85 percent (or so) accurate. The only definitive way to know if your baby has one of these abnormalities is via amniocentesis (otherwise known as "the big old needle in the belly"), which has its own set of risks. But, it can be a good way to determine if you might want to consider amnio, which was kind of our reason for doing it. That, and who's going to pass up the chance to have another look at that cute little nugget??

Anyway, so our ultrasound last Thursday went well. They measured the baby's neural tube (a small area at the back of the neck). If your measurement is above a certain range, it increases your risk of Down's or Trisomy 18. The range changes depending on gestational age. We were at 12 weeks, and our measurement was a "normal" .08 cm. We found that out right away.

Then I got some blood drawn. The doctor asked me if I was OK with the sight of blood, and I was like "Honey, unless you're taking more than 13 vials, I'm not even going to bat an eyelash." Don't these doctors know what they're dealing with when they draw from us IVFers? I almost ENJOY having blood taken at this point.

But I digress. I gave the blood, we waited a few days, and then got our results. They were also good, and bumped us to a 1 in 4,700 chance of having a baby with Down's (up from the standard-by-my-age-of-33 odds of 1:290) and a 1:10,000 chance of having a baby with Trisomy 18 (up from 1:1000).

So we're pretty happy with that. I can't believe I need to wait another 5 weeks to have another look, but I suppose I'll have to get by somehow.

Yep, still infertile

Every once in a while, some little thing happens that reminds me that even though I'm supposed to be a happy normal pregnant person, I'm still an infertile and will always see some pieces of life through that lens.

Last night, I went to a friend's house for dinner and a movie (pizza and ice cream and a movie -- it was like a 2nd grade slumber party without the sleeping-over part). She rented Bride Wars, which we thought would be a nice piece of fluff. She's got a toddler and a newborn, and I'm, well, pretty much useless after 2 p.m., so we figured it would be perfect.

And for the most part, it was. But for those of you who have seen the movie (or for those who don't mind getting spoiled), there was a scene at the end that de-fluffified things for me. The whole movie is about these two best friends who become frenemies after accidentally booking the same wedding date at the same venue. At the end of the movie, after they've miraculously made up after doing all sorts of horrible things to each other, they meet up and discover that they're both (barely) pregnant, and due on the same day!!! OMG how wonderful!!! And one of them has just come from her honeymoon!!! Squeeeee!!

I realize that Bride Wars was not meant to be a commentary on any kind of realistic marriage and/or childbearing situation, but it just annoyed me. Let's go ahead and perpetuate the misconception (pun intended) that it's easy-peasy to get knocked up on your honeymoon, or anytime you feel like it.

I don't mean to be a Debbie Downer -- for a lot of people it is that easy, and I'm not saying that every movie conception story should feature infertility -- but it would be nice if we saw a little more struggle and a little less instantaneous (or accidental) pregnancy storyline. Maybe then it wouldn't come as so much of a shock to those of us who are destined to struggle.

But that probably wouldn't make for a very exciting movie, would it?

12 weeks!

Today has been a fun day. We went in this morning for our first trimester screening (ultrasound and bloodwork to check odds for Down's and the other trisomies). We'll still need to wait 5-7 days for the results of the bloodwork and the combined results, but the nuchal tube measurements looked great.

And we got to have the test on the coolest ultrasound machine -- big flat-screen panel, and no more wand in the cooch! (Although it is the only action I've been getting lately, so I did kind of miss it.) We got to see the nugget grooving around, arms and legs everywhere, and could see a little teeny nose and a little teeny spine. It was so neat. I could have stayed all day.

I know I promised pictures, but I still haven't gotten around to hooking up our new printer/scanner thingy. Working on it, I swear!

Business travel blows

When I first started traveling for work, I was really excited. How glamorous! How jet-setting! I am a woman of the world! Sometimes when I talk to other people about the traveling I do, I get comments like "Ooooo, must be sooo nice," or "How exciting!"

Um, not so much. Don't get me wrong, there are some benefits -- room service, a comfy bed that gets made for me every day, accumulation of frequent flyer miles, etc. But just in case you're feeling envious of my jet! setting! lifestyle, here are some highlights from the last couple of days:

1. Waiting in a quarter-mile-long security line, in heels, surrounded by people wearing Mickey ears. (Yes, LAX.)

2. Sitting in front of a group of college girls, who are wondering aloud if the same thing that happened to the Air France flight would happen on ours.

3. Sitting next to a very nice man with very bad gas.

3. Dropping a Southwest honey-roasted peanut down my shirt.

4. Getting stuck with my seat belt on and the most horrible case of raging pregnancy bladder.

5. Realizing that I forgot to pack clean panties.

6. Spending $25 in the hotel lobby shop for new panties.

7. Wondering if I can sneak panty purchase onto my expense report.

8. Realizing that I don't fit into a plane seat quite as comfortably as I did 3 months ago.

9. Wondering why I didn't think ahead that morning sickness + smelly cab = potential disaster, and just rent a car.

The good thing is, it's over tomorrow.

Until next week.

Weekend Updates

I’ve been a bad, bad blogger. I haven’t even THOUGHT about blogging for about a week. But trust me, you’re not missing much. To prove it, let me provide you with the highlights from my weekend.

1. Coming out to the in-laws. OK, this was actually pretty cool. It is nice to remember that to most normal (read: fertile) people, pregnancy is happy news, a cause for celebration, and not a worry-fest. We get to tell more family this weekend, and then my family in a couple of weeks. Hopefully it will continue to be fun.

2. Sleeping 10-11 hours on Friday and Saturday nights, and napping on both days.

3. Sleeping in a fancy hotel last night for work, without a cat in my grill at 4 a.m.

4. Pooping. Seriously, folks, this was probably the finest moment of my weekend. Ain’t pregnancy glamorous?

See? When 2 of the 4 highlights of your weekend involve being unconscious, and another involves a bodily function, your life has officially become uninteresting to others. But I guess I’d rather have this than the drama that was May.

I’ll see if I can come up with something better for this week. We have our first trimester screening on Thursday, so maybe some good pictures to share.

But no drama, please.