Girding my loins

I love that scene in The Devil Wears Prada when Miranda Priestly arrives at the office unexpectedly early, and everyone panics, and Stanley Tucci's all like "Gird your loins!"

That's exactly what I'm doing right now. I am roughly 15 hours and 4 minutes (but who's counting?) away from boarding a cross-country flight with a rambunctious 11-month-old, three large bags, 2 smaller bags, a stroller, a car seat, and a husband who has recently given up drinking. Which is a good thing, because I HAVE NOT.

When we land, we will be taking those 5 bags, 2 large pieces of baby equipment, and 1 baby on some sort of shuttle/train/whatever to a rental car place, renting a car that better have 4 doors, and driving an hour plus in NY rush hour traffic to our first set of grandparents. I don't even have the energy to detail what comes after that, but suffice it to say the next few days involve traversing several states (yes, they're small states, but still), baby and gear in tow, to visit 2 sets of grandparents, 3-4 sets of friends, 1 sister, and God knows how many other random visitors while at each of these destinations.

To top it off, the majority of this time will be spent in the company of one particular family member (rhymes with Flicked Pepsmother) who has loved, from the time I was about 13 years old, to tell me how fat/unattractive/unkempt I look. Which means that any residual feelings of hotness mentioned in my previous post will be gone by about 8:30 p.m. (Eastern Standard Time) tomorrow.

BUT. I am so excited to be starting the holiday season with my sassy little Chicklette. Despite all of the hurdles mentioned above, I'm really looking forward to a week of "vacation" with my immediate (i.e., nuclear) family. I'm sure there will be some fun parts to this trip, even if they are few and far between.

So, off we go. And if I don't have a chance to post during this next week, Happy Thanksgiving!!

Traveling transcontinentally

That's what we're doing in about a week and a half. Eeek! I was scared before, and now that we have a Baby On The Move, I am terrified.

First, there's the packing. We're going from the SF Bay Area to the NY Tri-State Area, so there will be some weather adjustments. How cold will it be? Do we need to buy winter gear? Can the baby wear jeans to the country club (don't laugh!)? Will they have her favorite baby food flavors at the supermarket?

Then, there are the actual logistics of the trip. We're flying to NY, then driving to Maryland for a couple of days, and then driving back up, stopping to see some friends along the way. Are we crazy? YES!

And finally, there's the whole time change thing. Will we be going through all of this logistical hell with a sleep-deprived baby? Not to mention sleep-deprived parents? Oh, and the 137 unfamiliary friends and relatives? How will they fit in?

Stay tuned! It should be a festive start to the holiday season.

Traveling mama

This week I embarked on my first business trip since having the chicklette. Just one night away, but with all of the anxiety I'd been having, you'd think it was a month-long trip around the world. It's not so much being away from the baby that made me nervous -- I was actually looking forward to a quiet night, to be honest -- but more the fact that I hadn't been on a plane in 8 months. Or had to pack a bag. Or had to bring a breast pump with me. I'm out of practice.

So, here's the story. I had to give a presentation in San Francisco on Tuesday morning, and then hop on a plane around noon to LA. My plan was to get to the office at 8, pump, present at 9, and then hightail it to the airport.

Here's how it actually went down:

Got to pumping room at 8:30. Realized that even though I bring a pump to work EVERY SINGLE DAY, I somehow managed, on THIS day, to forget my pump horns. Swore profusely. Ran back to my office to see if the Walgreens downstairs had pump supplies. They didn't. Located a Target between my office and SFO that had what I needed. Found one. Checked my flight. See that it'd been delayed for 2 hours, making me late for my meeting in LA. Called travel agent. Rebooked on flight out of Oakland. Gave presentation, boobs afire (I fed the babe at 6:15, so by 10 I was really feeling it). Ran down to car, drove feverishly to Babies R' Us near Oakland airport. Ran in, bought flanges. Ran to car, got pumping bra on. Ripped open box to discover that I only bought the flanges, not the valves. Ran back into Babies R' Us, grabbed a box with valves. Ran back to car, ripped open box to discover that the box only has ONE piece. (I have two boobs.) Ran back to BRU, bought ANOTHER set, tried to convince register lady that I do not have some serial shopping disorder. Ran back to car, hooked up the girls, pumped in BRU parking lot. Flashed my nips to some random woman who had the ill fortune to park next to me. Drove to airport.

Going through the security line with breast milk was much less harrowing than I expected, although I did have some woman (a passenger) call me out for being in the "medical liquids" line. I guess I don't look like I need medical liquids? Guess who almost got a bottle of room temperature breast milk poured on her?

Anyway, the rest of the day went fine and I ended up getting upgraded to a PENTHOUSE SUITE at the Beverly Hilton, which was a pretty sweet (haha, get it?) way to spend my first night alone. And that night -- it was just a little bit blissful.

But I did miss my morning chicklette smiles. And I am happy to be home.

And I will NOT forget those damn pump horns next time!

Car rental hijinks

This afternoon, I sent the following text to my husband:

"Ur wife is officially a WIDE LOAD."

Wanna know why?

Today, I arrived at LAX for yet another fun business trip adventure. The big red Avis rental car shuttle dropped me off at the following vehicle, which Avis had so kindly preselected for me:

It's a Nissan 350 Z convertible, which normally would be quite a fun little car for jetting about LA. I actually think Avis was trying to be nice to me with a complimentary upgrade (since I've rented roughly 37 cars from them in the last 6 months), and hey, intially I was pretty fired up.

Until I climbed in. Or tried to climb in. And my tummy was smooshed against the steering wheel. Even when I pushed the seat all the way back. And then I tried to get out and had to basically roll out of the door and onto the parking lot to get out. You see, the Nissan 350 Z sits about 2 inches off the ground. Apparently I have a little more work to do in prenatal yoga on the whole squatting thing.

So, I waddled over to the Avis counter and explained my problem. "Thank you so much, but there's only room for one person behind that steering wheel, and I've got 1 2/3."

So I got this instead:

A Ford Expedition, baby. Which I think could run over a Nissan 350 Z with its front tire and not even alarm the driver. I'm pretty sure I guzzled $20 worth of gas to drive the 10 miles to my office, but it was certainly an improvement over the minivan "upgrade" they gave me last week.

And the guy behind me in line was REALLY excited to get the convertible.

Things I have learned this weekend

I am way too tired to craft a grammatically coherent post, so it's going to be bullet points. Sorry. I am the suckiest blogger lately.

But, I did learn a few things this weekend, namely:

• I will be completely happy if the next college graduation I have to go to is for the little Cornellian/Gaucho in my tummy.
  
• Maternity jeans are the greatest invention on earth. I'm actually looking forward to a cross-country flight tomorrow, thanks to the "Secret Fit" belly.
  
• Having my grandfather greet me with the words, "Hey, Fatty!" does not bother me nearly as much as I would have thought.
  
• Zoos do not smell good when you've got a bionic nose.
  
• Nobody, not even the future grandparents, seems to think that our ultrasound pictures areas cute as we think they are.
  
• My in-laws are a lot harder to take without the benefit of alcohol.

Later this week, I hope to provide educational updates from my first full-week business trip in my, erm, condition. Should be good times!!

A packing challenge

Does somebody want to come over and pack a suitcase for me? Here's what I've got on tap over the next 12 days:

• Three days in San Diego
  
• Five days in Boston
  
• Four days in Connecticut
  

Oh, and did I mention the most fun part?

My body is changing daily. Some days the boobs are huge, sometimes they're even more huge, and the belly seems to expand throughout the day, and contract a bit during the night. Oh, and my lower back is KILLING ME, so heels are torture. But my legs, which are currently my only passable feature, look terrible without them.

Help!

Business travel blows

When I first started traveling for work, I was really excited. How glamorous! How jet-setting! I am a woman of the world! Sometimes when I talk to other people about the traveling I do, I get comments like "Ooooo, must be sooo nice," or "How exciting!"

Um, not so much. Don't get me wrong, there are some benefits -- room service, a comfy bed that gets made for me every day, accumulation of frequent flyer miles, etc. But just in case you're feeling envious of my jet! setting! lifestyle, here are some highlights from the last couple of days:

1. Waiting in a quarter-mile-long security line, in heels, surrounded by people wearing Mickey ears. (Yes, LAX.)

2. Sitting in front of a group of college girls, who are wondering aloud if the same thing that happened to the Air France flight would happen on ours.

3. Sitting next to a very nice man with very bad gas.

3. Dropping a Southwest honey-roasted peanut down my shirt.

4. Getting stuck with my seat belt on and the most horrible case of raging pregnancy bladder.

5. Realizing that I forgot to pack clean panties.

6. Spending $25 in the hotel lobby shop for new panties.

7. Wondering if I can sneak panty purchase onto my expense report.

8. Realizing that I don't fit into a plane seat quite as comfortably as I did 3 months ago.

9. Wondering why I didn't think ahead that morning sickness + smelly cab = potential disaster, and just rent a car.

The good thing is, it's over tomorrow.

Until next week.