Thursday, December 23, 2010

Happy Birthday, Chicklette!

One year ago today, give or take an hour, I was grunting and pushing you into the world through a happy epidural haze. While the details are blurry, I will never forget the feeling of seeing you -- my little miracle -- and holding you against the OUTSIDE of my stomach for the first time.

These past few days, I've watched through misty eyes as you've eaten (well, smashed) your first birthday cake, ripped your first piece of wrapping paper, worn your first birthday hat, and taken your first step (even though I'm pretty sure it was an accident, and was really ONLY one step, followed by a wipeout).

I'm sure that your second year will be full of even greater adventures, but it's hard right now to imagine how it's going to top your first. Even with the challenges, it's been the best year of MY life. I love you with all the love that it's possible to love.

Happy Birthday!

Saturday, December 18, 2010

What distraction looks like

Is this enough for you, Santa?

Today I went on a bit of a cookie-making binge. Nothing too fancy, but I was excited to try two new (to me) recipes -- this one for snickerdoodles, and this one for pfeffernusse.

Pfeffernusse is German for "good luck cleaning up that powdered sugar"

And now I'm getting ready to make lasagna for tomorrow's first-birthday extravaganza.

Operation Distraction is going quite well -- except for the fact that I can no longer fit into my pants. But that sounds like a 2011 kind of problem, no? I think so.

Off to do some quality control on those cookies!

Friday, December 10, 2010


I just realized that the last time I posted was right before our marathon Thanksgiving trip, which seems like it happened about a hundred years ago. Not because it was bad -- actually, it went pretty well, if exhaustingly -- but because I have been in full holiday swing since we got back. Putting up the tree, putting up the lights outside the house, shopping, party planning, menu planning, wrapping, etc. etc. Just the normal holiday stuff, plus a little first birthday stuff thrown in. It's crazy.

And you know what? Thank GOD for that. Because there is a whole lot of stressful stuff to think about after January 1, and one of those things is Trying for Another Baby. First, there's the whole "We're in counseling, should we really be having another kid?" question, coupled with the "Eek! I'm turning 35 -- do we really have the luxury of talking about this for more than 5 minutes?" question. Oh, and the "Our house is small, can we fit another kid in without destroying everyone's sanity?" question. All questions any "normal" couple would have to consider in our circumstances.

But, of course, we're not reproductively "normal," so there's more! Will my insurance cover IF treatments after next year? Does an FET with only one frozen embie have any hope? What happens if the FET cycle doesn't work and we do a fresh cycle and get too many eggs for one cycle? Do we try for a third baby if we're lucky enough to have a second? Do we donate embryos? When do we stop if we're unsuccessful after multiple cycles?

And THEN, there's the fact that I feel so guilty because I'm lucky enough to have this amazing baby, and yet still manage to spend so much time dwelling on negative stuff.

With all this in mind, getting distracted by the holiday season seems like a FANTASTIC idea. So, here I am, drowning myself in shopping, baking, cooking, eating, decorating and dressing my child in all manner of ridiculous holiday outfits.

Who's with me?