Friday, October 2, 2009

Why you should not read Twilight while pregnant

WARNING: Spoilers ahead for anyone reading or contemplating reading the Twilight series.

OK, I confess. I've now read the Twilight series not once, not twice, but THREE TIMES. Inside of a year. My excuse: I've found the complete escape into fantasy to be super-comforting during this crazy year of infertility diagnoses, Clomid, IVF and pregnancy.

For anyone else who's read the books, I'm sure we can all think of some very obvious reasons why reading the series -- particularly the final book -- might not be a wise choice for either an infertile OR a pregnant woman (or for someone like me, who's been both infertile and pregnant at different times while reading it). Whether it's Bella getting pregnant on her first cycle, a pregnancy that involves severe morning sickness, an unenthusiastic father, severe illness, blood-drinking and broken bones, or a childbirth that culminates in a c-section via vampire teeth, exsanguination, and death -- well, it's quite a buffet of horrors.

But, even knowing that, I've read the books THREE TIMES. What a loser.

It should have come as no surprise that at some point I'd have a very graphic dream with some Twilight-y goodness mixed in. When it finally happened last night, while I was mildly disappointed that it did not take the form of a sex dream about Edward, I was

also pleasantly surprised that it did not involved me getting my spine crushed by the chicklette.

But it was disturbing nonetheless. I dreamt that I brought my daughter home from the hospital, where she immediately began speaking (a la Renesmee). Not just speaking, but telling me all of the things I was doing wrong.

Mommy, you're not fastening the car seat right.

Mommy, I don't like this car seat.

Mommy, you're not holding my head right.

Mommy, your breast milk tastes yucky.*

The takeaway? As much as I'd like to escape into the world of Twilight from time to time, I'm super-glad that I won't have to worry about this kind of backtalking for at least a couple of years.

*And by the way, where did my subconscious come up with THAT?


Krista said...

That's funny….I just finished reading the Twilight books. I knew what to expect (Bella getting prego the first time she had sex) because I'd read spoilers ahead of time. Your dream is hilarious!! If I were you…I would rather have a sex dream with Edward too! I'd take a sex dream with him any night!! Hahaha!!!

"Jay" said...

I read the whole series during IVF #1. I got into an arguement with my DH one night and all I kept thinking was....Edward wouldn't do that! about loser!

I am very disappointed that your dream did not entail sex with Edward. That guy is yummy! I may watch the movie again while on bedrest!

A said...

HAHAHAHAHA I have never read the books and dont know if I ever plan to because I dont want to get hooked when I should be doing my schoolwork- haha! That is so crazy that you had that dream! Glad the backtalking isnt going to be reality so soon! :)

Michele said...

After hearing your dreams, I'll take my porn ones any pregnancy! I couldnt handle my newborn telling me what I'm doing wrong, LOL!

Sue said...

I read the series during IVF #6...and was thinking as I read that last book that I hope I forget about that birth/pregnancy thing before I actually get pregnant. I didn't. But, at least I am not dreaming about it! I keep thinking about the cute little baby we'll have and totally block out the fact that she'll be talking one day...and even grown into a teenager.

Brooke said...

LOL!! That is too funny. I have only read the series once but plan on reading New Moon once more before the movie comes out next month.

Carrie said...

That is hilarious! I loooooved those books and read them during all my treatments. I admit to being very angry at Bella for getting to sleep with Edward AND getting knocked up. Ungrateful little...

Anyhoo, your dream cracks me up. Talking newborn dreams always scare me... I have had many of them. I am very grateful they cannot point out our flaws for a couple years.


Kate said...

Oh barefoot, what a dream.
Glad you are feeling better, and I hope your dreams turn more toward sexywonderfulness, and less toward veiled performance anxiety. who needs that!

thinking of you
and thank you for your sweet support.