Back in the blogging saddle....for the moment, anyway

I don't even know what to say about the fact that it's been 9 months since my last post. It's, um, been a long time!

Life has been crazy. My marriage has been to the brink and back....I won't elaborate too much on the specifics, but let's say we are both in recovery and leave it at that. Things are good -- not great, but stable. And that is more than I would have hoped for a year ago.

The Chicklette turns 2 tomorrow. I could just eat her up -- she is so cute and fun. And challenging. But mostly fun. Being a parent is so much more than I expected it to be -- in all sorts of ways.

What prompted me to post today, mostly, is that it's my 36th birthday. Which reminds me that time and my ovaries are marching on. We have been charting and "trying" and generally living life with the goalie pulled for the last year or so. Unsurprisingly, this has not resulted in anything resembling a pregnancy (despite the numerous suggestions that It! Could! Happen!). It hasn't happened. And that's OK for now (see above re: marital brink).

But I think what this means is that, come January, we (meaning mostly I) will be back in the stirrups. I have so many mixed feelings about this that I don't know where to start. So I might try and start to sort them out here.

Happy holidays to anyone who is still reading this sorry excuse for a blog....may magic and joy be the biggest part of the season for you and your family.

Distracted

I just realized that the last time I posted was right before our marathon Thanksgiving trip, which seems like it happened about a hundred years ago. Not because it was bad -- actually, it went pretty well, if exhaustingly -- but because I have been in full holiday swing since we got back. Putting up the tree, putting up the lights outside the house, shopping, party planning, menu planning, wrapping, etc. etc. Just the normal holiday stuff, plus a little first birthday stuff thrown in. It's crazy.

And you know what? Thank GOD for that. Because there is a whole lot of stressful stuff to think about after January 1, and one of those things is Trying for Another Baby. First, there's the whole "We're in counseling, should we really be having another kid?" question, coupled with the "Eek! I'm turning 35 -- do we really have the luxury of talking about this for more than 5 minutes?" question. Oh, and the "Our house is small, can we fit another kid in without destroying everyone's sanity?" question. All questions any "normal" couple would have to consider in our circumstances.

But, of course, we're not reproductively "normal," so there's more! Will my insurance cover IF treatments after next year? Does an FET with only one frozen embie have any hope? What happens if the FET cycle doesn't work and we do a fresh cycle and get too many eggs for one cycle? Do we try for a third baby if we're lucky enough to have a second? Do we donate embryos? When do we stop if we're unsuccessful after multiple cycles?

And THEN, there's the fact that I feel so guilty because I'm lucky enough to have this amazing baby, and yet still manage to spend so much time dwelling on negative stuff.

With all this in mind, getting distracted by the holiday season seems like a FANTASTIC idea. So, here I am, drowning myself in shopping, baking, cooking, eating, decorating and dressing my child in all manner of ridiculous holiday outfits.

Who's with me?

Girding my loins

I love that scene in The Devil Wears Prada when Miranda Priestly arrives at the office unexpectedly early, and everyone panics, and Stanley Tucci's all like "Gird your loins!"

That's exactly what I'm doing right now. I am roughly 15 hours and 4 minutes (but who's counting?) away from boarding a cross-country flight with a rambunctious 11-month-old, three large bags, 2 smaller bags, a stroller, a car seat, and a husband who has recently given up drinking. Which is a good thing, because I HAVE NOT.

When we land, we will be taking those 5 bags, 2 large pieces of baby equipment, and 1 baby on some sort of shuttle/train/whatever to a rental car place, renting a car that better have 4 doors, and driving an hour plus in NY rush hour traffic to our first set of grandparents. I don't even have the energy to detail what comes after that, but suffice it to say the next few days involve traversing several states (yes, they're small states, but still), baby and gear in tow, to visit 2 sets of grandparents, 3-4 sets of friends, 1 sister, and God knows how many other random visitors while at each of these destinations.

To top it off, the majority of this time will be spent in the company of one particular family member (rhymes with Flicked Pepsmother) who has loved, from the time I was about 13 years old, to tell me how fat/unattractive/unkempt I look. Which means that any residual feelings of hotness mentioned in my previous post will be gone by about 8:30 p.m. (Eastern Standard Time) tomorrow.

BUT. I am so excited to be starting the holiday season with my sassy little Chicklette. Despite all of the hurdles mentioned above, I'm really looking forward to a week of "vacation" with my immediate (i.e., nuclear) family. I'm sure there will be some fun parts to this trip, even if they are few and far between.

So, off we go. And if I don't have a chance to post during this next week, Happy Thanksgiving!!

Traveling transcontinentally

That's what we're doing in about a week and a half. Eeek! I was scared before, and now that we have a Baby On The Move, I am terrified.

First, there's the packing. We're going from the SF Bay Area to the NY Tri-State Area, so there will be some weather adjustments. How cold will it be? Do we need to buy winter gear? Can the baby wear jeans to the country club (don't laugh!)? Will they have her favorite baby food flavors at the supermarket?

Then, there are the actual logistics of the trip. We're flying to NY, then driving to Maryland for a couple of days, and then driving back up, stopping to see some friends along the way. Are we crazy? YES!

And finally, there's the whole time change thing. Will we be going through all of this logistical hell with a sleep-deprived baby? Not to mention sleep-deprived parents? Oh, and the 137 unfamiliary friends and relatives? How will they fit in?

Stay tuned! It should be a festive start to the holiday season.