So, I have been practically beside myself all week, waiting for my scheduled sonohystogram (a/k/a saline sonogram) this morning. For those of you who haven't had the pleasure, this is a procedure sort of like an embryo transfer -- they insert a catheter into your uterus, shoot some water up there, and then look around. In the words of my RE: "Sometimes, after pregnancy and childbirth, things aren't where they were the first time. So we like to take a look."
Sounds a little ominous, but OK!
So, I made the appointment last week and had been in a state of mild panic ever since. Because having a panoply of invasive infertility-related procedures, being pregnant, and giving birth have apparently done nothing to change the fact that I am a giant wimp. I'd even been debating about whether to take one of my leftover embryo transfer Valiums before the procedure-- I finally decided against, as I had some work to get done this afternoon -- but it was close. And I spent an INORDINATE amount of time thinking about it.
(I also spent some time -- BAD IDEA -- Googling the procedure, and read some absolutely horrific accounts. Why did I do this? Have I learned NOTHING?!?)
Anyway, so here's the funny thing. It turns out that I've had this EXACT SAME PROCEDURE before and didn't even remember. The nurse practitioner even showed me the notes in my chart (and the pictures), so I really must have been there! Must have been really traumatic, right?
(This is not to say that it's not traumatic/painful/etc. for some people. But clearly, based on my own past experience, I've been a bit of a drama queen.)
The procedure was no big deal. I mean, I'm never a fan of the speculum, but there was no pain, minimal discomfort, and the NP was very cool (and gentle). I'd also forgotten how neat it is to see all of your bits on the ultrasound. I mean, not quite as interesting as looking at a baby in there, but nice to see that I still have a uterus and 2 ovaries and both seem to still be in the right place.
So, all's well that ends well. Next steps: get my thyroid levels checked again in early June, and then hopefully get the party started with my next cycle. And try to avoid Google in the meantime....
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Back in the stirrups again
Well, not really. I have not yet been reacquainted with my old friend, the condom-sheathed transvaginal ultrasound wand. But it's coming.
We had a consult last week with our beloved RE (and I really mean this....I almost squealed when I saw him) to talk about our one lonely frozen embryo and what to do with it. I went into the meeting with very low expectations -- we only have one embryo (well, actually a blastocyst), so I guess I figured we'd give it a go as a sort of inevitable warm-up to a fresh IVF cycle.
As it turns out, this thing could actually work. Apparently my clinic has a 95% thaw survival rate for blasts, and something like a 32% success rate with single-embryo FETs. It was really the first stat that floored me -- I'd mentally prepared myself to get ready to take a bunch of drugs, and then have the cycle cancelled because our little frozen nugget didn't make it. Which of course could still happen, but it doesn't seem quite so much like certain doom.
The other "exciting" part is how much less physically grueling this cycle will be. No lupron, no stims, no every-other-day ultrasounds of my pendulous ovaries. So, that's a plus.
So, timing. Right after my next cycle starts (probably sometime next week), I'll have the dreaded saline sonogram (apparently not as bad as the HSG, but I'm not anticipating butterfly kisses here). Then, more bloodwork (I've already had some, with not-so-great results, which I'll get to in a later post). Then, on day 2 of the cycle after that (mid-June), I'll start estrogen. Then lining checks for a while, and then the thaw and (hopefully) transfer mid-way through that cycle.
I'm not even going to let myself think about the two week wait. I'd love to get there, of course, but I'm also not excited about being there. If that makes any sense.
One of the last things my RE noted when I "graduated" from his care after last cycle -- and one of the first things he said during our meeting this time around -- was how impressed he was by our positive attitude during treatment. He thinks it makes a difference. I'm not sure that I fully agree, but I am trying to hold on to that thought -- there is no reason for me to expect this NOT to work until it doesn't. And I owe my little frostie all of the good feelings I can muster.
So, muster I will.
We had a consult last week with our beloved RE (and I really mean this....I almost squealed when I saw him) to talk about our one lonely frozen embryo and what to do with it. I went into the meeting with very low expectations -- we only have one embryo (well, actually a blastocyst), so I guess I figured we'd give it a go as a sort of inevitable warm-up to a fresh IVF cycle.
As it turns out, this thing could actually work. Apparently my clinic has a 95% thaw survival rate for blasts, and something like a 32% success rate with single-embryo FETs. It was really the first stat that floored me -- I'd mentally prepared myself to get ready to take a bunch of drugs, and then have the cycle cancelled because our little frozen nugget didn't make it. Which of course could still happen, but it doesn't seem quite so much like certain doom.
The other "exciting" part is how much less physically grueling this cycle will be. No lupron, no stims, no every-other-day ultrasounds of my pendulous ovaries. So, that's a plus.
So, timing. Right after my next cycle starts (probably sometime next week), I'll have the dreaded saline sonogram (apparently not as bad as the HSG, but I'm not anticipating butterfly kisses here). Then, more bloodwork (I've already had some, with not-so-great results, which I'll get to in a later post). Then, on day 2 of the cycle after that (mid-June), I'll start estrogen. Then lining checks for a while, and then the thaw and (hopefully) transfer mid-way through that cycle.
I'm not even going to let myself think about the two week wait. I'd love to get there, of course, but I'm also not excited about being there. If that makes any sense.
One of the last things my RE noted when I "graduated" from his care after last cycle -- and one of the first things he said during our meeting this time around -- was how impressed he was by our positive attitude during treatment. He thinks it makes a difference. I'm not sure that I fully agree, but I am trying to hold on to that thought -- there is no reason for me to expect this NOT to work until it doesn't. And I owe my little frostie all of the good feelings I can muster.
So, muster I will.
Monday, May 14, 2012
Perspective
I was getting ready to sign in to my blog (more like trying to remember HOW to sign into my blog...it's been that long) to start chronicling our upcoming FET cycle...and up popped the heartbreaking news about Ainsley Knepper. I just don't know what to say. Jen, thank you for sharing Ainsley's life with us. I'm so sorry she had to leave you so soon.
More on our situation later...
More on our situation later...
Saturday, December 24, 2011
The most wonderful day of the year
To me, anyway. I love Christmas Eve. I think that Christmas carols sound their absolute best right after the sun goes down tonight....and even though I am, I suppose, an adult, I still feel a coil of anticipation in my stomach. Santa's coming tonight!
This morning, I tried to explain the whole chimney/fireplace/presents thing to the Chicklette, but I'm not sure how much stuck. No matter. The cookies and milk will go out, someone will eat them, and tomorrow morning will end in a giant pile of wrapping paper.
After that, I suppose it's time to turn to the Big Decisions that loom in life....but until then, I'm going to squeeze every last second out of my favorite 24 hours of the holiday season.
Merry Christmas!
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Back in the blogging saddle....for the moment, anyway
I don't even know what to say about the fact that it's been 9 months since my last post. It's, um, been a long time!
Life has been crazy. My marriage has been to the brink and back....I won't elaborate too much on the specifics, but let's say we are both in recovery and leave it at that. Things are good -- not great, but stable. And that is more than I would have hoped for a year ago.
The Chicklette turns 2 tomorrow. I could just eat her up -- she is so cute and fun. And challenging. But mostly fun. Being a parent is so much more than I expected it to be -- in all sorts of ways.
What prompted me to post today, mostly, is that it's my 36th birthday. Which reminds me that time and my ovaries are marching on. We have been charting and "trying" and generally living life with the goalie pulled for the last year or so. Unsurprisingly, this has not resulted in anything resembling a pregnancy (despite the numerous suggestions that It! Could! Happen!). It hasn't happened. And that's OK for now (see above re: marital brink).
But I think what this means is that, come January, we (meaning mostly I) will be back in the stirrups. I have so many mixed feelings about this that I don't know where to start. So I might try and start to sort them out here.
Happy holidays to anyone who is still reading this sorry excuse for a blog....may magic and joy be the biggest part of the season for you and your family.
Life has been crazy. My marriage has been to the brink and back....I won't elaborate too much on the specifics, but let's say we are both in recovery and leave it at that. Things are good -- not great, but stable. And that is more than I would have hoped for a year ago.
The Chicklette turns 2 tomorrow. I could just eat her up -- she is so cute and fun. And challenging. But mostly fun. Being a parent is so much more than I expected it to be -- in all sorts of ways.
What prompted me to post today, mostly, is that it's my 36th birthday. Which reminds me that time and my ovaries are marching on. We have been charting and "trying" and generally living life with the goalie pulled for the last year or so. Unsurprisingly, this has not resulted in anything resembling a pregnancy (despite the numerous suggestions that It! Could! Happen!). It hasn't happened. And that's OK for now (see above re: marital brink).
But I think what this means is that, come January, we (meaning mostly I) will be back in the stirrups. I have so many mixed feelings about this that I don't know where to start. So I might try and start to sort them out here.
Happy holidays to anyone who is still reading this sorry excuse for a blog....may magic and joy be the biggest part of the season for you and your family.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Destruction, thy name is Chicklette
It's really amazing how quickly the Chicklette went from tottering a couple of steps at a time to full-out running around the house. In circles. Repeatedly. Until Mommy and Daddy have both broken a sweat trying to catch up. The cats have taken to hanging out on the breakfast bar, because they can barely outrun her (and are, frankly, too fat and lazy to try more than once a day).
And the mess. Oh, the mess. Parenting lesson of the week: even if you've childproofed a room, it doesn't mean that there still aren't dozens -- maybe hundreds -- of "safe" things that can be moved/thrown/otherwise displaced in a matter of seconds.
The capacity for self-destruction is also high. Just this week, we've had a fat lip (falling face-first onto a toy), a smushed pinky (from exploring the dresser drawers), and a head bonk (from walking in one direction whilst looking in the other). I don't know what this says about me, but I find these types of mishaps quite amusing (aside from the initial tears). It's like having a very small and cute drunk person wandering around all the time. I'm sort of surprised that I'm as calm about the physical injury side of things as I am, but I guess I always figured that the Chicklette was doomed to inherit clutziness from both sides.
In other news, I found an ossified avocado under my car seat this morning -- it must have rolled out of the daycare bag about a month ago, because it was about half its original size and weight. Complete with a little "ripe now!" sticker on the side. Which made me laugh way more than it probably should have.
So that's the news from here. Hope you all have a great weekend!
And the mess. Oh, the mess. Parenting lesson of the week: even if you've childproofed a room, it doesn't mean that there still aren't dozens -- maybe hundreds -- of "safe" things that can be moved/thrown/otherwise displaced in a matter of seconds.
The capacity for self-destruction is also high. Just this week, we've had a fat lip (falling face-first onto a toy), a smushed pinky (from exploring the dresser drawers), and a head bonk (from walking in one direction whilst looking in the other). I don't know what this says about me, but I find these types of mishaps quite amusing (aside from the initial tears). It's like having a very small and cute drunk person wandering around all the time. I'm sort of surprised that I'm as calm about the physical injury side of things as I am, but I guess I always figured that the Chicklette was doomed to inherit clutziness from both sides.
In other news, I found an ossified avocado under my car seat this morning -- it must have rolled out of the daycare bag about a month ago, because it was about half its original size and weight. Complete with a little "ripe now!" sticker on the side. Which made me laugh way more than it probably should have.
So that's the news from here. Hope you all have a great weekend!
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Using birth control un-ironically
So, one of the interesting decisions we've had to make in the midst of our current family drama is the decision to table for one year any discussions about or efforts towards having another kid. I say "interesting" rather than "awful" because it unexpectedly felt really good to be open and honest about the fact that we are not in a position to bring another person into this family right now. This past month has made me see what being a single parent would look like, and while I'm hoping that won't become the permanent state of things, I just can't stomach the idea of bringing (or trying to bring -- let's not get ahead of ourselves here) another innocent bystander into the current chaos.
Also "interesting" is the way my thinking has changed on the whole age thing -- 6 months ago I was panicked about turning 35 and OMG I need to get pregnant again right now, but the Perspective Fairy seems to have visited me during some night recently and I'm a little more sanguine about the whole thing. Sure, it would be better from a biological standpoint to get the baby party started sooner rather than later, but I've been around the infertility blogosphere enough to know that I could still have a few good years/eggs left in me. Or I could not. Either way, it's out of my hands and I'm at peace with that at this particular moment.
So, we're back to using birth control. Not in the ironic suppression-before-IVF way, but in the actual, hey, sex can make babies and we don't want one of those right now way.
How unexpected is that?
Also "interesting" is the way my thinking has changed on the whole age thing -- 6 months ago I was panicked about turning 35 and OMG I need to get pregnant again right now, but the Perspective Fairy seems to have visited me during some night recently and I'm a little more sanguine about the whole thing. Sure, it would be better from a biological standpoint to get the baby party started sooner rather than later, but I've been around the infertility blogosphere enough to know that I could still have a few good years/eggs left in me. Or I could not. Either way, it's out of my hands and I'm at peace with that at this particular moment.
So, we're back to using birth control. Not in the ironic suppression-before-IVF way, but in the actual, hey, sex can make babies and we don't want one of those right now way.
How unexpected is that?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)