Friday, December 10, 2010


I just realized that the last time I posted was right before our marathon Thanksgiving trip, which seems like it happened about a hundred years ago. Not because it was bad -- actually, it went pretty well, if exhaustingly -- but because I have been in full holiday swing since we got back. Putting up the tree, putting up the lights outside the house, shopping, party planning, menu planning, wrapping, etc. etc. Just the normal holiday stuff, plus a little first birthday stuff thrown in. It's crazy.

And you know what? Thank GOD for that. Because there is a whole lot of stressful stuff to think about after January 1, and one of those things is Trying for Another Baby. First, there's the whole "We're in counseling, should we really be having another kid?" question, coupled with the "Eek! I'm turning 35 -- do we really have the luxury of talking about this for more than 5 minutes?" question. Oh, and the "Our house is small, can we fit another kid in without destroying everyone's sanity?" question. All questions any "normal" couple would have to consider in our circumstances.

But, of course, we're not reproductively "normal," so there's more! Will my insurance cover IF treatments after next year? Does an FET with only one frozen embie have any hope? What happens if the FET cycle doesn't work and we do a fresh cycle and get too many eggs for one cycle? Do we try for a third baby if we're lucky enough to have a second? Do we donate embryos? When do we stop if we're unsuccessful after multiple cycles?

And THEN, there's the fact that I feel so guilty because I'm lucky enough to have this amazing baby, and yet still manage to spend so much time dwelling on negative stuff.

With all this in mind, getting distracted by the holiday season seems like a FANTASTIC idea. So, here I am, drowning myself in shopping, baking, cooking, eating, decorating and dressing my child in all manner of ridiculous holiday outfits.

Who's with me?


Lauren said...

I don't know if I've commented here before... I found your blog probably about a month ago.

I recently blogged about everything involved with OUR decision to TTC baby #2. It's so complicated when it involves IF treatments. It sucks.

Enjoy drowning yourself in holiday festivities!

manymanymoons said...

It sounds like you have so much on your plate. Sometimes it's nice to have less important things to keep you busy (wrapping presents, menus) rather than focusing too much on the big stuff. It keeps us sane I think. Good luck!

ana said...

Totally get focusing on the fun and relatively low-key stuff to keep your mind of the weighty things. Our son is approaching 1 also and we are "in discussions" about trying for baby #2 (I'm also quickly approaching 35...). christmas/birthday (pretty much will be the same around here) makes a great distraction. Enjoy!

babyinterrupted said...

RIdiculous holiday outfits - hellz yeah. :) Here's to the power of distraction.

Justine L said...

I'm with you ... except for the holiday outfits. Definitely hauling out the holly. I was in a similar place to you last year ... just turned 36, had repeated pregnancy loss, and just didn't want to think about the thorny questions. This year I'm pregnant, due at the end of January ... and still thinking about the health of our relationship, the size of our house, my job, our income ... and the fact that every day I'm pregnant is a gift. I hope the new year brings you clarity!

Anonymous said...

I'm right there with you! We've got a million things to do/buy/decide before the baby gets here, and I've decided this is the year I need to learn to make the turkey for Christmas dinner!