As much as I hate to admit it, and as much as I thought it would never be possible, there are times when I forget about the struggle to get (and stay) pregnant. I sometimes find myself, what with the Marital Discord and sleep deprivation such, a bit mournful for my "old life." Which, of course, was SO FANTASTIC (as you can tell from my archives).
This forgetfulness really bothers me. I mean, sure, I have a twinge when I get my period after a month of rampant unprotected sex (and by "rampant," I mean, "twice a week," which I think is sort of impressive although the Mr. would not agree), or when a friend or family member announces a pregnancy (will I ever be pregnant again?), or basically any time I see an episode of Private Practice. But I'm not going to pretend that living with infertility once you have a child is the same as living with it without one. It's just not. For me, anyway.
BUT. The point of this post was not to wax philosophic about what an unappreciative asshat I can be. It was to relate a moment of pure joy that happened yesterday.
We decided that it would be fun to take a few early pictures of the Chicklette in her Halloween costume (not just any butterfly, but a monarch butterfly). And while I am too paranoid to post any pictures here (despite the fact that probably 20,000 kids across America have the same costume), I will tell you that she was so adorable that my heart just about exploded in my chest. I turned to the Mr. and said, "I don't care what we went through to get here, or how long it takes us to work through all of our issues, but seeing her in that costume makes it all totally worth it."
And then the girl's wet diaper exploded all over the inside of the costume.
Hey, it was good while it lasted!
So worth it!
SO worth it!!
Sometimes I too wax philosophical about another child... But I cant imagine playing these odds again.
Take the perfect moments when and where you can find them...no matter how quickly they pass.
Love this post!
On another note, I'm sorry to hear that you guys are in a rough patch. I know that infertility is supposed to be hard on marriages, but in my opinion it was nothing compared to new parenthood. Sometimes I feel like neither of us is the same person anymore.
Anyway, congrats for working on the problem(s). Happy Halloween!
My son is nearly 7 years old and I still have moments (often) when I'm just so proud of him and filled with love for him that my heart might explode. It's the best. And I'm thinking it never ever goes away.
I know how you feel about infertility even after you become a parent!
I did a pre-costume trying on session too and laughed so hard! Capture those moments, no matter how fleeting they are! Happy ICLW! (#72 & 106)
*grin* She was expressing her opinion about the costume, maybe? ;) Enjoy!!
:) Made me smile!
(thanks for your comment during ICWL...I was a horrible blogger that week and too busy to do anything on-line!)
After going through IF to get number one...and now going through IF to get to number two, I've found that it is different. That at least I have one. But, it's still just as hard emotionally and physically. You are putting your life on hold to achieve a goal...and that's the hard part. The waiting. The hoping. The not knowing. Sigh. But, at least, at the end of the day, I can sneak my little one out of his crib and hold him in my arms and sniff the top of his head and give him little kisses because I love him *so* much. That's a big difference.
And, this time has been harder. I'm on IVF #3 and...which my son...it happened the first time. Any way you slice it, infertility sucks SUCKS SUCKS!!
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