Sleep Training.....

...also known as, how many glasses of wine does it take before the sound of my child crying doesn't make me clench up and huddle in a fetal position on the couch?

The answer? About 2.5.

So, we went up to Portland to visit some friends last weekend, and after witnessing how (relatively) docilely their 18-month-old son went to bed at 7:30 each night, we decided the Chicklette's whole "hey, maybe I'll go to bed at 8, or maybe I'll go to bed at 11:30" thing wasn't really doing it for us anymore. It's not that she's not a good sleeper -- she almost always sleeps through until 7:00, no matter what time she does down -- it's just that the fact that my husband and I haven't gone to bed at the same time in 8 months is starting to take a toll on our marriage. And the unpredictability is sort of terrifying to me.

I read Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child and Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems at the end of my pregnancy, but I'll be damned if I remembered ANYTHING except some vague concepts of "crying" and "extinction." Sounds fun, no? I mean, philosophically we've always been on board with the concept of "crying it out," (please don't hate on me -- I know it's not for everyone) but the mechanics have always sort of eluded me. And frankly, who the hell wants to hear their kid cry? It's like, hey, can I please have an extra pelvic exam?

So. We did a little research, talked to some other friends, and decided last night was the night to put her down and let 'er rip. We'd do our little routine (dinner, bath, some quiet play time, then into the nursery for a bottle and in the crib soon after that), and go cry it out ourselves in the family room for a while. I put her in her crib at 8:58 (a little later than ideal, but hey, baby steps), sort of asleep. She started crying at 9:04. And kept crying. At about 9:21, I started to lose my will. My husband restrained me, and we turned on an episode of Top Chef. At 9:27, we noticed that she was no longer crying. Sleepy baby. Aaahhh.

She was happy this morning, so not scarred for life (at least not yet). So, all in all, not bad. We'll try again tonight, a little earlier. But the feeling of triumph at 9:27 was pretty awesome. We put our baby to bed!

(Oh, and by the way, the sleep section in Baby 411 suggests parents who are waiting for their kids to cry it out to try "making love with earplugs" to pass the time. Apparently I am 12 because I begin snickering uncontrollably every time I think about it. Making love! With earplugs!)

The post in which I sdilsdfajilsdfzzzzzzz........

One of the things that new parents seem to like talking to pregnant women about is sleep. If I had a buck for everytime someone told me to "enjoy your sleep while you can!"....well, I'd be spending even more money on useless frilly baby clothes than I already am.

The sleep comments always annoyed me. I mean, what was I supposed to do? Stockpile sleep? Freeze it like breast milk and thaw it out for a rainy day? And wasn't my sleep already crappy enough, what with the 7-pound bowling ball sitting on my bladder? Surely the sleep situation with a baby couldn't be that much worse, right?

Wrong.

Wrong, wrong, wrong.

I have to say, as a person who has always enjoyed a solid 7-8 hours a night, topped off with a lazy morning or two on the weekends, that having a baby has COMPLETELY changed my relationship with sleep. And not in a good way. And not just because the Edward Cullen dreams have all but disappeared.

It wasn't just the newborn phase -- sure, it was tough with the frequent baby waking and the bleeding and the soreness/pain and the hormones and the general recovery from bodily trauma. Oh, and the fact that you hear every single dingle noise the baby makes and OH MY GOD IS SHE STILL BREATHING? Let me check.

Even though the Chicklette has been sleeping, more or less, through the night for the last few weeks, it's STILL hard. It's the sheer unpredictability -- sometimes she'll have a night or two where she'll wake up or just be so grunty that it's hard to not lay in bed counting the minutes until I'm going to have to go in and feed/change/soothe her.

Most of all, and especially since I've gone back to work, it's the fact that the days start so early and are soooooo looooong. It's up at 5:30, sometimes 6 if it's a day my work schedule permits and she actually sleeps until 6. I'm lucky to be in bed by 9:3o or 10, which would actually work if I wasn't still getting up in the middle of the night to pump. Which only technically takes 20 minutes, but sometimes turns into more if I can't get back to sleep, or the baby wakes up, or (as was the case last night) I fall asleep, boobs in horns, and wake up an hour later with a crick in my neck and 3-inch long nipples.

So, yeah, life has changed. And most of the time I can deal with it. Except when I can't, and I'm struggling to make it through the day without falling asleep in my office or doing something stupid. Thank God for the pumping breaks so that I can catnap....but after last night I'm a little scared I'm going to nod off and not wake up until the night janitor comes to empty the trash can.

I guess I'm doing better with the sleep deprivation than I thought I would, but it's still not fun. And the fact that it may be YEARS before I can sleep in at the same time as my husband on a weekend morning makes me want to weep.

What all this means is that every time I talk to a friend who is expecting, or see a pregnant woman on the train, or talk to my former self (which, yes, I sometimes do), I can't help it. I don't say anything out loud, but in the back of my mind, a little voice is saying:

"Enjoy your sleep while you can, beyotch!"

Progress?

I'm always hesitant to post when something goes well, or when it seems like we've made some sort of breakthrough/discovery with one of our baby issues, because it seems inevitable that the universe will construe it as bragging and immediately send some other aspect of baby life to shit. But, since I'm sitting here at 5 in the morning killing time until I'm sure the baby's asleep, I guess I'll take my chances.

In addition to the breastfeeding issues, we've also been struggling with sleep. Not so much that the Chicklette doesn't sleep, it's more that she was sleeping at all the wrong times (like, from say 10 in the morning until 6 in the evening) and in all the wrong places (car seat, swingy chair). And not sleeping at the right times (anytime it was dark) or in the right places (her bassinet).

At first we thought it was a day/night reversal thing, which apparently is pretty normal for a person who's spent the first 10 months of their existence in the dark. But then we started thinking (thanks to a smart mommy in one of my 4 mommies groups -- more on that some other time) that maybe she has a touch of reflux, given that she was sleeping comfortably in any sort of contraption that kept her elevated. Maybe the day/night thing was just a coincidence?

So, a couple of nights ago we tried putting her down in her bouncy chair for the first part of the night, and then in the swing after her early morning feeding. And it seems to be working, although the second part of the plan involves me sleeping on the couch in the family room for at least a couple of hours. But, I'll take it. It beats being awake, or trying to put down a fussy baby multiple times into a bassinet.

The best part of all of this (other than that the Chicklette is sleeping more at night and less during the day, and seems generally happier overall) is that I'm able to piece together 7 or so hours of sleep a night (3-4 from 9 or 10 until she wakes up, thanks to the Mr. doing a bottle feeding or two, 2-3 on the couch, and then maybe another 1 or 2 after she eats at 7 or so). It's not perfect, but it sure beats the walking dead routine I was doing last week on 3-4 hours plus little naps during the day.

We talked to our pediatrician on Friday, and he's fine with this plan. Basically, anything you can do in the first couple of months to get the baby to sleep is OK -- it's a little later you have to start worrying about setting bad habits. (Or so he says -- I'll let you know if I'm still falling asleep to the dulcet tones of the Fisher Price My Little Lamb Cradle Swing when she's in high school.)

So, it's still a work in progress. But, as they say, baby steps.