and how I'm not getting any. WARNING: this post could venture into TMI territory.
For those of us who have spent a long time trying to conceive, it's a fact of life: sex stops being fun. Not just in the "OMG, we have to do it AGAIN?!?" way, but also in the "Why do we need to be reminded so often that we're broken?" way. And also in the heartbreaking "Maybe we'll defy the odds and tonight will be the night since we're in Hawaii and it's our anniversary and we're COMPLETELY RELAXED" way. I could go on, but you get the picture.
For those of us who have been through IVF (and this might be true for IUI as well to some extent, but I've never done one so I don't know), there's the whole irony-mixed-with-relief thing -- the irony being that you're trying to make a baby using a method completely devoid of sex, the relief being that you can take a break from the sex without feeling like you're not doing anything to Advance The Cause. In fact, the odds make you somewhat giddy -- you mean we have a 50% chance of making a baby WITHOUT HAVING SEX? Sign me up!
(Of course, you don't really feel all that sexy when your ovaries are the size of navel oranges and you feel like a big fat hen about to lay a 12-pack of eggs. And you're not supposed to do it in case something goes awry with the trigger and you end up in a Jon and Kate-type situation, and also because you're not supposed to jostle the oranges.)
And finally, for those of us who somehow manage to get pregnant -- particularly if we start with twins and lose one and there's a bunch of bleeding -- there's still no sex. Prostaglandins in sperm are bad, jostling is bad, any strenuous physical activity is not recommended. Oh, and you know what else? Taking care of one's own business is also not allowed -- orgasms (I can't believe I'm writing that word on my blog and I hope my mother never ever finds it) cause uterine contractions, uterine contractions in the first trimester can be bad, etc.
The problem? Suddenly, no sex is NOT OKAY. I'm kind of astounded -- I really haven't had a sex drive in six months, and suddenly I feel like a 15-year-old boy. EVERYTHING tempts me. Movies, TV shows, books, even my dreams are out to get me. As are the pregnancy books, which tell you that sex is perfectly OK during pregnancy.......unless your doctor recommends otherwise.
Don't get me wrong -- I would gladly give up sex for a year if that's what it took to have a healthy baby. I'm so so happy and grateful to be pregnant. I'm not REALLY complaining, it's just....well....challenging. Unexpectedly challenging.
It's no wonder I've gained 13 pounds. Carbs are the only craving I can follow through on right now.