Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Single parenting = hard

DISCLAIMER: I am by no means looking to minimize the job that full-time single parents do by complaining here about my experience this week. Three nights is not a lifetime.


It is three long nights (and days).

The Mr. went on his first business trip this week. He left at 6:45 on Sunday morning and OMG THANK YOU he just landed about 5 minutes ago.

It's not that the Chicklette is a difficult baby -- in fact, she's pretty dang easy -- but her bedtime is, shall we say, variable. Which means that she falls asleep anytime between 6:15 and 11:30. This unpredictability is usually not a big deal to me, since I do the morning shift and the Mr. does the evening. My bedtime is usually 9:30, no matter what.

And actually, she was great this week. Down by 9:30 or 9:45 every night, for the night. But oh, the anxiety. I'm not good at putting her down, and there has been at least one false start each night, rendering me a quivering piece of WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING? for at least one chunk of the evening. And then there's the fact that I'm so worried about sleeping through whatever she might need during the night (since there's no backup parent) that my body has woken itself up every. single. hour. for the last 3 nights. And has not really let itself fall back to sleep again.

My milk supply is suffering. I am a snappish, walking zombie at work, which has also chosen this week to completely kick my ass. I had all but forgotten those early days when the sleep deprivation made me is an amazing thing, sleep.

I am so looking forward to resuming my regular bedtime tonight, I could cry. And I probably will before the day is out.

And I am so, so thankful that I have a partner to do this child-raising thing with.


p.s. On a more positive note, the Mr. being gone means that I have gotten every single smile, coo, raspberry, and chubby kissy baby cheek all to myself for the last 4 days. I will miss that.


Sue said...

Awwww. So glad you will get some sleep finally! I'm running on a few hours too and mine's a great sleeper usually but ugh, she got a cold and since sleep for mommy! I'm the most tired I've been since I was 9 1/2 months pregnant and uncomfortable!!!!

ana said...

wow, I hear ya. Hubby went on a work trip saturday morning. Saturday night, little guy got a fever. a bad one. 2 doctor visits, one ER trip & some terrible tests later, hubby shortened his trip and came home tues night. i handed him over and went to bed :(

Ben & Anne said...

Totally understand. My husband does the nightshift too ad it became apparent very early on that if I'm on duty I stay awake all night just in case... Husband can sleep lightly, hear our son and deal with him, then be asleep again seconds later. Glad your dh is back, enjoy your sleep!!

'Murgdan' said...

My hubby goes out of town three days of every week for work...he left to go back this morning and I am sitting here with my 8 day old just trying to keep the tears from falling at how the rest of this will i get it. I, for one, am a mess.

stillhopeful said...

Hi - I recently started following your blog... my daughter was born a day before yours! And she hates her tummy time, too! Although it's so funny, she can now roll from back to front, and then when she gets there, she doesn't know how to get back! But she keeps doing it... she'll get it soon!!

I know what you mean about waking during the night. My hubby is a deep sleeper, but also a night owl. I'll put my daughter to bed between 7-8, and then he's on call if she wakes to go up and settle her down. Unless it's after midnight, in which case I'll nurse her again if she wakes. But knowing he's up listening for her lets me go to bed easily. Sadly, though, she's been sleeping 9-11 hours straight each night, but I wake up after 5 at the most! I'm definitely not getting the advantage of her great sleep patterns, that's for sure!

Glad your hubby is back and you can get back into your usual routine!